Christmas Prayers

It's been a long time since I used this blog, originally intended to be a newsletter to those who pray for me as I minister to my children and the women God brings me. I am so thankful that you know of my longing to share God's gift of Salvation with my little ones and the ladies whom I speak with, and pray for me when I have needs. Well today I am in need of prayer, and humbly ask you to lift me up.

This weekend I have the honor of speaking at two different Women's Christmas events (Saturday morning and Monday evening) and am not feeling prepared. Matt is gone this week and I am tired and feeling moody and unworthy. I know of course that I am only worthy to be Christ's vessel because I know longer live, but it is Christ who lives and ministers through me as I surrender daily to Him and the Power of His Spirit. But this truth seems elusive to me right now as I struggle, being short tempered with my dear, little ones, and overwhelmed by my home (and possibly my hormones too!) And let us not forget our adversary who would like me to believe I am unfit and disqualified from serving the Lord this Christmas.

Please pray for me, for my heart, that I would carve out the time not just to "work on the talk" but to worship Him. Abiding in Him is the key, I know that, here in my head; pray that it might sink to my heart as I sink down on knees.

honestly,

Wendy

Disqualified?

I've been working on writing a book based on the simple truth that God Calls His people. First He calls us to Faith and then He calls us to specific good works that He created beforehand for us in Christ, that we should walk in them.

Being a rookie book writer I'm learning how difficult this writing gig is. One of the things I'm currently in the throughs of learning is that some parts of the book write themselves, and others take profound amounts of effort on my part. The portions that come easiest for me are the areas I'm most experienced in and knowledgable about. The more difficult chapters are either completely foreign to me, or (as is more often the case) on a topic I struggle with perpetually.

The later reason is currently my challenge. Case in point: One of the the main themes of the book is that we Christians tend to buy into the lie that we can be disqualified to serve God because of our sin. Taken out of ministry because we lack love, get angry, back-slide and wallow in depression at times. We fear we've blown it one too many times to be good enough to be used by God. But our perfection is not the pre-requisite for God to use us, our redemption is. God has redeemed our fallen lives. And our redeemed lives are the means by which He continues to call people to Himself today.

God will not take me out of ministry in my home and with my children, because I've been short on patience and long on selfishness. God has qualified me based on His perfection, not mine. He graciously, daily, hour to hour and moment to moment, is working to transform me into His image as I stay His, stay surrendered, stay repentant, stay available to serving Him in our family and even to the ends of the earth.

Here is my dear husband, just another saved sinner like me, pressing on because God has qualified Him!

walking with my children

We are on Day #8 of our Summer Break. Caleb had a good year. A very good year in 1st grade. But he loves being home, playing with his brothers, not being asked to do anything or go anywhere. He loves his PJs and TV and at 60+ pounds he still delights in the kiddie pool and sprinklers too. I'm so happy for him. And it's amazing to me how dear, obedient, and helpful he is when he's not being pushed so hard.

For the last year he had fought me be at every turn. Get up, get going, get your shoes on, did you hear me ask you to brush your teeth? Where's your bag? Did you forget it by the door? Off we go to baseball, where's your glove? Caleb, it's time to practice piano..." And the motherly harping rings out incessently... But these last days as I've let him be, he's been such a joy. Even when I ask him to take out the trash cans or help Asher get ready for bed there's a softer spirit; the fight is gone. There's nothing like walking into my littlest boys room to find him cuddled up with his biggest brother, reading, "How Does a Dinosaur Say Goodnight?"

In this slowed down pace of Summer it is my desire to walk and not run with my children.

Two scriptures Spring to mind beside my current favorite, Ephesians 2:10. The first is Deuteronomy 11:19, which charges parents to "teach them (the commandments) to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." How I long to simply walk along the way with them this Summer. Not rushing or bossing, but walking and gently instructing them. And Caleb has shown me already this week how soft and subtle and receptive he can be when we walk at a gentle pace.

The second scripture is one I felt challenged to heed a year and a half ago. Acts 28:30-31 tells the story of Paul's time under house arrest. "And he stayed two full years in his own rented quarters, and was welcoming all who came to him, preaching the kingdom of God, and teaching concerning the Lord Jesus Christ with all openness, unhindered."

Paul did not think of his time confined to home as cause to stop the ministry of Jesus Christ through him, instead he preached the kingdom of God with all openness, unhindered to those who came to him. Here in my home my children are ALWAYS coming to me. There are few moments of reprieve each day when one or more of them are not coming to me. But God is asking me to have the same heart as Paul toward these little intruders, to teach them concerning the Lord Jesus Christ.

And so I see my good works, that God has prepared beforehand for me in Jesus, as ones to walk out alongside my little ones this Summer. As the pace is slower, the sun warmer, the flowers sweeter... I will walk with them, with all openness, unhindered.

Single Moms this Mother's Day

I spoke to a room full of moms this morning - single moms who are raising children on their own. Widows and divorcees were joined by military wives and young, unwed mothers at Mission Hills Church, in San Marcos, CA.

I used quite a bit of my talk "Becoming Supermom" which basically looks at how un-super I tend to feel the majority of the time. The talk focuses on a few Super-powers I've had to develop over the years to help me fly out of the pit of my despair. God supplied the levity I had specifically been praying for and the SUPERwomen in our midst laughed and cried many tears as they contributed to the conversation and then shared more about themselves at their individual tables. I really felt that they needed some good discussion times during the talk to form relationships in their community at Mission Hills. There were many ladies who had been invited to todays brunch, who are totally unchurched. And it was obvious (as it was visible on their faces,) that they felt loved this morning. Like I said, what a joy to have been a part of it.

When I was asked to share with this special group, my immediate response was "no"... NO! On so many levels I wanted to say "no." And so I told God, "no." And then I felt a little guilty, so I asked others if they thought I should do it. Finally, of course, I talked to God about it. And instead of telling me "yes, I want you to do this..." He instead told me of His love for these Ladies. And I was challenged to love whom He loves; to feed His sheep; and to minister His care and concern, and the truth of His redemptive love to those He puts before me each and every day. Today these were the Ladies before me.

God has been building in me the redemptive message of this talk over the past few months, as I continue to grow in the knowledge of His power in our weakness. His Gracious exchange of Jesus' life for ours, that we might not only have life forever but also life forgiven here and now, continues to humble and amaze me. And the more I learn to accept it the more I desire to share this miracle love with others. That's what has been happening, even as I long to say "no" along the way for various reasons. I keep learning, and keep hearing from Him, and keep sharing His Word with others. And the result always brings Joy... Joy to others and Joy to my own heart.

Even when feeding His sheep isn't convenient or comfortable, it is always where this Poema finds the good works she was created to walk in.

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus

for good works, which God prepared beforehand,

that we should walk in them. - Ephesians 2:10

Pretty please, with a cherry on top

My boys have learned the endearing phrase, "Pretty please, with a cherry on top" from one of their cartoons that they've watched multiple times. They often use it now, and always in the right context. I, however, am taking it completely out of context right now.

You see, this was to by my one night to really put my head down and prepare for my next talk, which happens to be this Saturday morning. Every moment of every day has been so packed and the evenings worst of all, so tonight was my time to see it all come together. Oh, it's all written, I just wanted to go through it a time or two more. "Pretty please, with a cherry on top," has been my prayer.

Only I did not know that the cherry that would top my actual evening would be little Asher's bright red behind. He has spend the past 2 + hours getting out of bed over and over and over and over. At first it was a simple lesson for me to not get frustrated at my little guy just because I had an agenda for my evening. And so I read him books, rocked him extra good, giving extra kisses and hugs and prayers and songs... and still he came out for more, time and again, these past two hours. Finally, now, he is down. And now I have my notes open before me.

But what a reminder that this Mother's Day Brunch for Single Moms, that I'm slated to attend in two days, is going to be chalked full of ladies who are always setting aside their agendas for those of their children. With no one else to shoulder the responsibilities, not just at bedtime but most all the time, these ladies have known many of their own plans thwarted.

It's been my most consistent prayer as I've prepared to share with these women, that God would increase my love for them. And so as I gave up my time of preparation to correct, discipline, and finally just give in to the obvious needs of my little one, I spent my time stroking his hair and praying for the ladies I'm to minister to.

I remember one night, as I was particularly nervous over speaking to a group of ladies, my husband Matt wrote me a text message just moments before I went on stage. He wrote: "love them well."

Tonight's thwarted plans reminded me yet again that the crux of serving God by serving others is to love them well, for God is love. If I bring my perfectly sculpted talk but have not love... I'll just be a clanging cymbal. And who would that benefit?

Joyfully blocked

I've experienced unspeakable joy in much of my life since the beginning of this New Year. There are still trials as a wife and mother, but as a follower of Jesus I've come to know a great hunger for and peace within His Presence.

Writing, as I've shared before, has been a joy as His inspiration has been constant. While I don't know if my technical writing skills can stand up to the task, the journey of learning from His Word this year has been life changing. I love that He's teaching me in the areas I've long felt called to write about.

And then I hit a wall.

I guess it's called writer's block. But in actuality everything I felt I was ready to communicate has suddenly gotten rather confusing to me. Forget writing about it, I've had a hard time understanding it. So it's not exactly writers block, as much as it is a learning block.

I do believe that life is to be lived twice... first we live it and then we write it down, giving voice to help fellow sojourners who may not have the words to give it voice themselves. And so I am stuck in the lesson I'm learning on this first go-round. But happy to be here because each day I learn a little more as I open the Word, turn on the radio, have a conversation, and simply walk with Him.

I think of those months when I wanted to conceive my first child, thinking that I wouldn't be able to have children of my own because I have a couple of diseases that are famous for causing infertility. I was, however, able to conceive. Three times in fact. But now that my children are all here with me on this side of the womb, now that I know their personalities and how our family functions with each one of us, I can't imagine life with any other children had I conceived one of those other months.

Okay, it's a far fetched analogy. But if I push through to "my goals" and get chapters written and books published on my time line, I never would have the product that God is bringing in His timing as He grows me first.

I'm just happy to be walking with Him today. Trusting Him to finish what He's begun in me. Not for the sake of a book, but because I love Him and want to look more like Him at the end of my time here on earth. That's the goal.

direction

I'm having a lot of fun writing these days. While difficult to find the time, when I do sit at the keyboard it's simply a joy to start typing. There have been years now of research and notes I've accumulated, prayed over, and grappled with, and I've learned so much along the way. It's my deep desire as I write, however, that the material would come together well that others might learn of God's Call on their life as well. Ultimately, however, I am humbled and extremely grateful for this writing experience, even if it only proves an exercise to grow my own faith... but it is my ardent prayer that this material might profoundly bless others as they journey toward the one who Created and Called them.

One of the thrilling discoveries I've had lately is that the shape of the book is much different than I thought it would be. There were main passages that I thought I would teach on and then supplemental material that would support those lessons. It turns out that the supplementary chapters are taking center stage and the original lessons are finding their way into a companion Bible Study that will take women deeper into God's Word, and the challenging themes of the book.

I'm probably about 60 pages into the first draft of the book with pages and pages of notes yet to be fleshed out. Please pray that the Holy Spirit would continue to inspire and guide me as I write. That my pastor's and friends might continue to teach and speak and encourage me with just the right words, passages, and their own lessons learned that help me to go deeper into these difficult truths I feel Called to bring to Light.

The vision God gave me a few weeks ago of holding this script with hands wide open, not clutching it at all, has been my driving delight. I joyfully look forward to writing and rewriting and even the editing process when the time comes. I feel Him telling me "Don't be married to anything you write, only be married to Me and I will give you the helpers you need to cut and direct and transform this first draft into My final draft."

He who begins a good work will be faithful to bring it to completion. I'm thrilled to see what He does with this all.

While I would love to ask you to pray that I am able to find time to write, I am profoundly aware that each day I gain new insight, discoveries, quotes and experiences that help to flesh out whatever chapter I am on. If I had oodles of time to write I might run ahead of the hard earned lessons.

That is where I am in this exciting journey. Thank you for cheering me on as I "complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me – the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s Grace. (Acts 20:24)

My first trip to "the box"

I go to the mailbox at the end of our block in December, eager to send and receive Christmas cards from so many loved ones. But that's about it. The rest of the year Matt is the one who sends and retrieves our mail. Thankfully. It's mostly bills after all. But today I made my first prayerful walk to the box with a handful of envelopes containing information about the talks and monologues I share with churches and women's groups.

As I pushed the fistful of packets into the hungry mail slot, and thought of the Women's Ministry Directors who would receive them in a short number of days, I smiled. A curious smile. I don't feel anxious, but I am curious. If curious could be as physical a sensation as anxiety tends to be... that would best describe how I feel. Curious, down to the bone, about what God is up to; Curious what God has planned for me.

Following God through the Valleys, where much of our faith is found and perfected can be excruciating, but I am enjoying a season of Joy in His Presence that I haven't experienced in many years. I am expectant, expectant that He will be near me tomorrow, expecting more joy in His company, sure that when I eagerly seek Him I will find Him, and that He will continue to give me the words to express what He is doing in me for the edification of others.

Yes, that last expectation I wait for most eagerly; to see Him work together for good my Valley times as well as these lovely mountaintop days, for the benefit of the body.

Walk to "the box" with me in prayer, my friend, that God will open doors and bring my words of hope and faith to the right groups at the right times. And please lift me up during this season of joy and expectancy, that I might drink deeply from His Presence. May you know His nearness as well, where ever you find yourself today... in the Valley or on top of the Mountain.

He Intended My Frame

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus

for good works, which God prepared beforehand that

we should walk in them." (Ephesians 2:10)

I have stood in the spot God made me to stand,

Said the words that He bade me to speak,

Touched the wounds of the world, needing sweet healing balm,

Shod the Gospel upon my two feet.

I have looked within, upon my own heart,

And found my purpose so real;

He intended my frame, my mind and my hands

To specifically go, teach, feed, heal…

Play Skillfully with a Shout of Joy

Sing to Him a new song; Play skillfully with a shout of joy. (Psalm 33:3)

A week ago I went to see the Ballet Company, Magnificant, on tour with their production Ruth. True to their name, they were... magnificent! Skillfully using their craft to tell God's redemptive story; it was electric, exhilarating, encouraging, and challenging. And I left the evening's production with the words of Psalm 33:3 stirring in my heart.

The following days I prayed that God would continue to work in me the skillful art of story telling, both orally as well as with the written word. Inspired, I joyfully wrote and continued to reach out to find venues to share these stories.

Then suddenly a darkness fell. A deep sense of not being good enough engulfed me. Not wise enough, not sincere enough, not called.... I found myself believing lies. It amazes me, how our adversary can take our shouts of praise and twist them them into self-centered whimpers of fear and inadequacy.

Today I proclaim the truth. More importantly, today I claim the truth. The truth is that we have all been called to God's Work... to good works for His Glory. And He makes us able as we seek to do His will. I choose this morning anew, to trust that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and that He will bring to fruition the good work He began in me. As I write I will seek His Spirit as my key editor in all things. I will continue to shout for joy as He hones my skill for His Glory. And I will rebuke the lies of our enemy. I will not indulge my self-centered nature with negative self-talk, but glorify Him with Praise and Thanksgiving. The truth is that He doesn't make trash. Me makes Masterpieces. This Poema chooses today to sing to Him a new song; to Play Skillfully (by His Grace and Design at work in me) and to do so with Shouts of Joy.

What will you do with me?

You who fashioned and designed,

Purposed from the start

Good works with me in mind.

You hung the moon and strung the stars;

Scattered seeds deliberately.

You created everything with breath

And calmed the raging seas.

O, Powerful and purposeful One...

What will you do with me?

He is able, more than able, to accomplish what concerns me today.
He is able, more than able, to handle anything that comes my way.
He is able, more than able, to do much more than I could dare to dream.
He is able, more than able, to make me what He wants me to be.

I'm absolutely overwhelmed by the unique gifts he's given His people. The way He has brought talented individuals into my life just now, to help me craft promotional pieces, revamp the website, compress video clips, and edit writing projects has been evidence of His Purpose and Plan.

A friend of mine recently taught a lesson on Nehemiah's call to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem. She had many wonderful, applicable points but the one that has been echoing in my heart this week is, "If it's God's Plan, you'll see His Hand."

I'm praising God for His handiwork, manifested through friends and colleagues today. Their giftings and willingness to help me get the Gospel message out has been encouraging evidence of His Purpose and Plan for me right now.

Thank you Liv for your creative contributions. Jeff, thank you for your contacts. And thank you all, for your powerful prayers.

"I was so Blessed..."

Since following God into this world of "speaking", I've come to learn a thrilling aspect of the Christian Life that had eluded me before. Of course I didn't know that it had eluded me. For I had heard people say "it's such a blessing..." or "I was so blessed by..." and I assumed that I knew what their Christian-ese meant.

But I had no idea the depth of it's meaning until I partnered with the Women's Ministry Team at Horizon Christian Fellowship in Rancho Santa Fe, CA. At every turn during their Christmas Tea last month, as well as the young mom's ministry I spoke at last week, I received blessing after blessing in their midst. Their collective joy in the Lord is contagious; and the transparency among them reveals that that joy has been hard won through testimonies of perseverance, prayer, and God's faithfulness. I left their midst Spiritually dripping with oil. I had come to serve, but I left having grown in turn. Their care for my own personal growth, as I follow God's call on my life, feels like a Mission of Mothers, cheering on a Daughter. The only way to explain it: "It has been such a Blessing!"

Memories of high school mission trips to Mexico, building churches and homes for Pastors, leading VBS camps, and simply worshipping with Christ's body across the Border, now flood back to me. How could I have forgotten the love and the joy, the absolute out-pouring of gratitude that shone from their faces, the humility that melted our pride... how could I have forgotten the Blessing we teenagers received in turn?

I pray I don't forget again. I want to live life serving God, not for the gift of the Blessing, but for the confirmation it brings. We were made for this. Serving. Doing our part in God's Great Plan. Doing the Work He prepared for each one of us to do, from the beginning of time. We are, after all, His Poema... created in Christ Jesus for good works.

Living in step with His Spirit, leads us from one such good work, and one such Blessing to the next. That is what I'm learning most as I ponder these recent "Blessings."

Praying for the soil

I hope you don't grow weary of praying for me, "for (I have no doubt that) in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

This Friday I have another opportunity to share encouragement as well as the Gospel with another group of women. This time they are moms of young children. "Becoming Supermom" is a talk I have given before, but this time I sensed that revisions were coming. After all, God never stops refining and teaching us new "Super-Powers" as we seek Him. At last tonight, less than two days before the talk, I finally felt clarity on what additions needed to be made.

I've just printed it up and am sitting here joyfully realizing once again, that He is the One who brings the goods. All He asks of me is that I am a willing vessel.

Please pray with me that hearts are soft and needs are high - the perfect soil for seeds.

Please also pray for my children's health, both physical and mental. Asher and Caleb are both fighting colds and Brody is struggling with deep heart issues and insecurities. I'm always taken off-guard when opposition comes against my family. Please do partner with me, and hedge us in with your prayers.

Serving the King of the Harvest with you,

Wen

Discernment has been the word of the New Year. Over and over again I feel led to be discerning in what to study and write, in which talks to give and how many each year, in which school to send our children to and where to live and, and, and... Yes, the call to be discerning has been like an anthem in my thought life. And yet, I confess, I haven't felt quite up to the challenge.

And so I found myself praying, simply this: "Dear God, I know that you want me to be wise and discerning, to know your will and to make the right choices, but I don't think I'm able to yet. I really do want what you would have for us and not what I want, so I was hoping, Lord, that you might make it all abundantly clear for us. Shut doors, open doors and make it real easy to know what to do and where to go, if you would."

Within 24 hours two speaking engagements I'd committed to let me know they suddenly felt God leading them in another direction, Matt's job description suddenly changed into something very exciting, and many other questions miraculously seemed quite clear.

So today I boast that God doesn't mind speaking clearly and plainly to this handmaid. He's not a sneaky or elusive God for the sake of being so. He desires to grow our faith as we often are called to follow Him blindly. But above all He desires a heart that longs for His way and His will. Maybe one day I'll have Spiritual eyes to see and discern in more esoteric ways, but for now I'll simply call out with the faith of a child. And joyfully celebrate the answers He gives.

Another way He's been guiding me in this first month of 2011, has been with inspiration. Instead of taking on lots of speaking engagements, I just want to write, write, write! It's thrilling to be learning as I pen each page. I've loved the time I've spent in the Scriptures and in prayer, as well as the jaunts from my bed to the computer when inspiration comes upon me at night. It's been a lot of fun to say the least.

I imagine there is always a deep sense of joy when we are doing the work God laid out for us to do. Now the work may not always been fun, and there will likely be opposition along the road, but the deep sense of joy that comes from being in His will and doing what we were created for... this I pray remains.